The treadmill of life can feel like a grindstone more often than not. There are always more things to be done, more papers to mark, things to do and to buy. We want more – a new car, nicer clothes. People tell us that we SHOULD want more. We ask ourselves what’s wrong with us that we can’t do this or that.
There’s criticism here, and envy, and desire, and many other things besides. They all pile up and it’s hard to sort it all out, especially when we are having a horrible day.
Why do we do this to ourselves? Why does society do this to us? Questions that I may explore at another time, but for now, a line often used in therapy comes to mind, and I think that it bears repeating here.
You are enough.
That’s it. You are good the way you are. You don’t have to be anything other than what you are. Whatever it is that you’ve done to get to this point, it was enough to bring you here, and that is enough – more than enough.
If our sense of fulfillment as people is dependent on external factors, then we’ll be doomed to be chasing our tails for as long as we live, trying to find the Next Best Thing…which is already inside us.
Doesn’t that mean we shouldn’t want to excel? No, not really. I think it’s admirable to want to be the best that we can be. But that drive and desire should come from a place of fullness and plenty, not one of scarcity and lack. I have enough – I am enough – for myself, and that’s why I pursue more, not because I am trying to fill up an endless hole.
Work is one area that really gets to me on this. Perhaps it is my Asian upbringing that tells me to work harder, more, better and faster. But really, it’s something that happens all over the world. The old Protestant work ethic that you can’t enjoy yourself, that you don’t deserve what you have unless you are have slogged through mud and sweat and toil.
Then there is comparison, which is inherently a mug’s game. There will always be people who have done better than you, and those who have done worse. Each person’s life is made out of a multitude of factors – biological, social and psychological, to name but a few – and so it’s futile to compare yourself to anyone.
So don’t do any of that. Take time out to love yourself just as you are. Remind yourself that no matter what deadlines there are or how much you are earning (or not earning, as the case may be) you deserve your place in the sun, just as everyone else on this planet does. You belong, and you are enough, just the way you are.
If you’re interested in more reading on this, I recommend Tara Brach’s Radical Acceptance and related material. I also like this video :
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UpA2nvj21cs