Emotions don’t make logical sense. That sounds kind of obvious but it needs to be stated anyway, because it’s important to remember.
We sometimes expect our feelings to work the same way that logic does…but they don’t. They may not make logical sense – but they do make EMOTIONAL sense.
Take a kid with an ice-cream cone. He drops it. He blinks as he realizes what happened…and then starts bawling his head off.
We’d all like to think we are a lot more mature than the kid (and we probably are) But we all get that way when something like that happens to us. The kid is just having a perfectly normal response to losing a beloved ice cream cone. He’s grieving – and it will all be over soon if he doesn’t repress it. (which is sadly something adults often do)
There is an exercise I like to do which I call “stepping into emotions.” First off, center yourself, breathe deeply. Get in touch with your body. You may think with the mind, but you feel with all of you.
Then, allow yourself to feel each emotion in turn. The ones you like. The ones you don’t like. Just observe whatever comes up. You can journal it if you feel it’s helpful.
If at any time you feel upset during this exercise, stop. Don’t push yourself. Take some time out, and if you feel like it later, you can reflect on what it is that made you upset. Did it evoke any memories? Physical sensations?
There’s also an element of choice which you may want to bring in into the exercise – it doesn’t all have to be passive observation. Think about what emotions you might want to feel about a particular situation. What you don’t want to feel. And then let yourself feel them, each for a short time. Be expression (have some paper on hand) Be playful, even.
How did that make you feel? (the 64 million dollar question in therapy!)
Essentially, emotions are “e-motion” Energy in motion. They will be much more easily expressed if we just let them through us. There’s no need to comprehend or understand or analyze – just be. Just feel. (With the caveat that with if you are experiencing powerful anger or sadness, it would help to do so in a safe place)