I must confess that I felt more than a little self-conscious writing the title to this section. You see, I’m not exactly
very old myself either. So I can’t help but feel that it may be a tad premature to be writing anything For Young People.
But that being said, I was inspired to write this largely by a comment that a friend’s mother made a few years ago. While
we were on our way to dinner in their car, she said that she thought that today’s youths had it much harder than they
ever did. Back in their day it was go to school, go to work and get married and that was it. It was a simpler life with
far less complexity and everything was laid out quite clearly.
I was struck by her candor and her honesty, and also by her open-mindedness. She didn’t “pull rank” and talk about how
“back in the day” they didn’t even have a septic tank to sleep in, or how hard things were and how you youngsters have it
easy. Instead she said it was much the opposite – that things these days were so complex, so multi-faceted and that could
make for a difficult time indeed.
As you can see, I agreed with her back then, and I still do. She was talking about her son and me, but I think that maybe
that those younger than me are faced with even more of a challenge now.
You are growing up in a time that is far more complex than anything your parents had or will ever experience. There are
so many more questions, and some of them might not have clear-cut answers (or any answers at all) At times I think the
sheer pace of technological progress can feel overwhelming. How do we know that what we learn is going to have any
relevance for the future? How do we know nuclear bombs aren’t going to annihilate us all?
I’ve got no answers for those questions, but I will say that there is no point worrying about it! But with all the bad
points also comes the good. You have access to more information and resources that humanity has had at any point in
history. (see section about Know Thyself) Life is safer now than it has ever been. There is far less racism and
prejudice than there was in the past.
But how does that matter to you and where you are right now? Parents are still on your case, society is still pressuring
you to “succeed” (in whatever form that may be) Like I said at the top of the website, I don’t have The Answer, or any
Answers for that matter. But here are some things to think about nonetheless.
Try to understand that your parents probably grew up in a very different world from yours. While that is true for any age,
I think it is especially so for the 21th century. There’s a quote in the book “Jump Time” which says something along the
lines of back in the 19th century, it took 50 years for everything to change. Then 20. Now it’s more like 5.
Technology is fast and culture is slow. There are bound to be generation gaps but perhaps none as far and as wide as what
we have now. You can listen (in fact if you live with your parents you probably HAVE to listen) but you don’t need to take
it in. You don’t need to agree. You can respect their views, and even if they don’t respect yours (or don’t seem to) you
don’t need to let that get to you either.
Set boundaries. Forge your own space, your own time. If your parents won’t respect that, take a walk, go somewhere else for a bit. It’s a big world out there. You have a right to what you want to feel, what you want to think, what you want to do. But at the same time, understand that your parents still are responsible for you. Sometimes it can’t be win-win, but that doesn’t mean it has to be lose-lose.
Society typically has a very narrow definition of success. Generally speaking, arts are at the bottom, big business is at
the top. People are interested in money, fame, power and sex, not necessarily in that order. And if you’re interested in
that as well, that’s ok. Just realize where you’re coming from, and realize that those things aren’t everything in the world.
And if you’re not? Well, prepare to be asked questions. Prepare to be misunderstood. Sometimes people will be uncaring,
and sometimes they’ll scoff and sneer at you. Don’t let it get you down. Success comes in many many forms, and ultimately
it’s not success itself but the journey that will tell you what it is. Sound paradoxical? Many things are.
Don’t be afraid of being different. That was a huge part of my teenage and it caused me a lot of pain back then. Here’s a
quote which inspired me and I hope it will do the same for you.
Here’s a quote I’ve often found inspiring.
“I didn’t belong as a kid, and that always bothered me. If only I’d known that one day that my being different would be an asset, then my early life would have been much easier.”
Bette Midler
Think about how much difference can really help the world. When Galileo came up with the idea that the Earth went around
the Sun, instead of the other way around, people almost killed him. But yet he was right. What if he had never went ahead
with his research? What if he had toed the line?
Before there can be a change – any change, whether it’s world-shattering or something much smaller – there has to be a
difference first. Someone’s gotta want something to change. All progress is change, and change comes in a large part from
difference. So don’t sweat the differences. They are what make you who you are.
Find some heroes. Or heroines. They don’t even have to be “real” – they can be fictional, or invented, or historical.
Whatever. Find people you look up to, that you respect. What are the qualities that they have that you want? What is it
about them that makes you respect them? Ask yourself those questions. Then start becoming whatever your answers tell you.
As far as it’s possible, try not to hate others. Seriously. I know you’ve probably heard this before, but it takes a lot of
energy to hate. Get angry, by all means. Get it out of your body, get away from whatever is bothering you. But don’t take
it out on others, don’t hate the same people or things that may be causing you harm. That path leads nowhere – or rather
it leads to a place much worse.
Do what you love, do what you enjoy. Don’t listen to anyone who tries to stop you from doing that. Even if you can’t make
a living out of it, (or maybe it’s not possible just yet) you love doing it, and that’s as good a reason as any to keep on
at it. Find out what makes you alive, what makes your heart sing, what enlivens your soul. And keep on doing it!
Don’t let anyone try to tell you otherwise – teenage can be a rough time. I myself had a really really horrible teenage complete with abuse and trauma…but seriously even if it wasn’t for that, it would probably still have been kind of tough.
So many things are changing in the world, in yourself. Hormones are all over the place (that actually can be kind of fun
but it can also be downright confusing) Your body is changing, your views, your emotions. People expect you to be an adult
but treat you like a kid.
Let me tell you right now that if possessed the power of teleportation I would be there right next to you in a second. But
since I don’t, you’re going to have to make do with what I’m writing instead.
So what if you took the wrong major? You learned something. You probably learned a whole lot, more than you knew at that
time. If you’ve got loans you can pay them back. It may not be easy (from what I know of student loans it probably won’t
be) but hey, you’ll learn from that as well.
Don’t cling to safety. Amazingly enough the world is the safest is has ever been, although watching the news may not give
you this impression. There is a healthy medium between walking down the street alone in 1am (not such a good idea) and
never stepping out of the house at all (also not a good idea) Don’t be afraid to try new things. What’s the worst that can
happen? You fail? That’s ok.
If I had to pick one thing from everything I know now to tell my younger self, it would probably be that “you’re ok just
the way you are, and I love you.” Seems strange doesn’t it? It could be that no one in school likes you, you just got
dumped, your parents are divorcing (or divorced) How can I be ok the way I am?
But the miracle is that it’s true. You are already enough. You are great. Knowing or not knowing your purpose at this moment
has nothing to do with it. You are great and you’re going on to become greater. You have potential and you seek to fulfill
it. It’s about you – not what your parents think, not what society thinks, not what your friends think. It’s your life and
you’re going to live it as best as you can.
So after all this yammering on, what are you going to do? You’re going to live the best life you possibly can, that’s what.
And come back here and tell me all about it! 🙂